Blog Archives

I Wear A Mask So Falsely Numb...

31/10/2012

Ok, so it's Halloween, a holiday I don't really care for.

Before you get all bent out of shape, let me say that if folks want to dress up and act out, go ahead and do it!! What I so don't care for is the artificiality of taking just one day a year.

If women want to dress as 'slutty' whatevers, they must want to do it more than once a year. If a guy wants to dress in drag, he's had the idea for a while. Wouldn't it be so much more interesting if everyone just kinda did that because it was a cold Tuesday in March, and wouldn't it seem more fun and exciting and celebratory?

Oh, bother - before I just spin out of control, let me share what I wanted to share about Halloween: spookiness, fear, masks and haunting.

Spooky: it's 'other-worldly', as in the world beyond the veil and this is the one of Goth's greatest...
Fear: arachnophobia is strong out there...
Masks: we all wear them falsely in our numbness...
Haunting: well, because that is what this song has done to me since the first time I heard it.

All respect and honors to the 'mega-group' of 4AD artists known as This Mortal Coil. From Filigree and Shadow, in honor of the dead, and All Hallows, I give you Tarantula:

I'm living but I'm feeling numb, you can see it in my stare
I wear a mask so falsely numb, and I don't know who I am
Despite the worlds inside of me, thwarting me away
I've noticed in other eyes, time's closing in

But when the thunder breaks, it breaks for you and me
Tarantula, tarantula, tarantula, tarantula

The future's looking rather grim, strange black tide
Decisions lie with stupid men, alone with my life
They're choking and they're hyping me, expecting me to fall
But only if I'm threatened will the tables turn

But when the thunder breaks, it breaks for you and me
Tarantula, tarantula, tarantula, tarantula

My world's under a sentence of death, I was born underground
But when the pressure gets too much for me, I bite

That's it, be safe, be careful, and why is this the one night of the year where parents hypocritcally reverse on the "don't talk to strangers!" and "don't take candy from strangers!". Talk about a mixed message!

Give thanks and spooky praise!

0 Comments

Change, Adapt, Evolve?

22/10/2012

0 Comments

The primary question might be phrased as this - 'do people ever really change?'. And, valid question it is, as we all have made our mistakes, learned or did not learn from them, and moved on or incorporated that info.

But, we've all known someone, or perhaps even been someone, who doesn't ever really change. We might adapt, temporarily, or even for years, to a situation if there is some gain in it for us. We might be able to modify our behavior, but does the inherent drive below that change, is it even inherent, is it innate?

I think all of us have seen someone who pretty successfully carried on the charade, and no insult, might have really bought into it. Think of the closeted homosexual men who were of the era where getting married, buying a house and having kids was the only path. Then, they 'wake up' some 30 years later and it does feel like they've lived a lie, or a charade, or a fantasy for their and others comfort.

I bring this up because the question I think we should face is not if we can change others. You can't. Is it 'can we change ourselves?' Not sure even on that.

However, maybe it is - 'what can we become?' If that implies change, then let that be part of the becoming. If that implies discernment and evolution of consciousness, let that be part of the process. Rather than the change, what if we focused on becoming... increasing that which is beneficial, reducing that which is detrimental, bringing balance where we understand it is needed.

That's my question for today and the next few practices... not what changes need to be made, but what can become of what is being done, and how should that guide the process of doing those things?

I'd take it to the mat, go deep, and give thanks and praise!

0 Comments

Buy Us a Drink!

19/10/2012

1 Comment

Today, I am married for 21 years! Wow, what a delightful surprise, since this was never on my 'planned horizon' and I'm more than grateful to be where I am, who I am, with who I am!

Here's some quick pieces, a few of you have heard the details, and if you're really curious, ask me more sometime!

Susannah and I were both over it - we had given way to much to the wrong people, and just were so tired of damaged folks making damaged relationships. Being over it, not wanting it, being 'done' with it - well, that's the first step to owning, being and experiencing. So, our reluctance was mutual, and exquisite.

We were set up on a blind date - and it took like 6 months to happen. You know when you have a friend, and they're like, "I know this person - they are PERFECT for you" and then you remember that they like Kajagoogoo, and you think, "I'll pass...". That's where we were each at - just not into it, and just not trusting the idea that anyone would have any idea what was right for either of us! Blind dates work!

We played the game of LIFE on our first date - Susannah took the blue car and a blue peg and married a blue peg. I did all the same with pink. She lit a candle, I put a magazine underneath it to catch the wax - we were done by the end of the game.

We decided to go see Molly Hatchet - Flirting with Disaster has always been a Southern-Fried Favorite! We didn't make it, but we did go to the Dobie and watch a film called The Borrower", where this alien basically borrows folks heads, so the lead character keeps changing and they go to "Didney-land!".

We really liked each other, we started just hanging steady and spending our time together... When we met, she was in a band, Moist Fist - they were great, I was their groupie. Like KC says, "I fell in love before the second show...". We had fun, being creative and dramatic. She was working on buying a house, I was working on a Fellowship in Hebrew. So, I went to Israel for four months, and she bought our house - where I'm sitting now!

This house is our "Bolthole" - our honeymoon cottage, our retirement home, our co-creation, our nest and our hovel... Every dog we've had has lived at least for a spell in this house, and the sweet old white lady is in the front yard (I keep watering there, but no puppies, yet).

I'm a lucky boy - she's an incredible girl! Susannah puts up with me, and my craziness and passions and life-altering changes, she's always steady, always loving, always supportive and always my role model for how to be an excellent human being.

I'm a big one for thanks and praise, and so that is today and the message -- each and every day, but marked on today, the Nineteenth of October. Thanks and praise, love and life...

1 Comment

Vulnerability, Confessions and Lessons...

15/10/2012

1 Comment

Had a really nice weekend - my wife came home from her Seva trip to India on Saturday and we have just been catching up, telling and hearing stories, trying on lungis and dhotis and salwar kameez and just being together.

Truth be told, we normally share just about everything - especially travel. While it's not uncommon for us to travel separately or take business trips, we predominantly choose to travel together and to discover new places in each others company.

This wasn't one of those times - Susannah got selected to be on her Seva trip through the Whole Planet Foundation. The timing of the trip wasn't set early on, and there were options for spouses or family members to apply to serve on the trip, as well. So, I did and was accepted.

Then, two heavy revelations followed; the first was that I would have to pay all the expenses to attend (this wasn't made clear up front, and while the folks from WFM who were attending were only required to pay for their airfare, family or guests needed to pay all. The second issue was the timing of the trip was set for the exact same time we had committed to GaneshFest, here in ATX.

Given these two factors, and given that GaneshFest was the fundraiser for my Global Seva Challenge (and if successful, would have me going to do Seva in India in February of 2013), it only seemed prudent at the time to have Susannah do her thing, and me do mine. It was not without some sorrow - neither of us had been to India, and had planned to for quite some time, so to not go together was a little sad and painful.

Then, while GaneshFest was a rocking collaborative and joyful success as an event, as a fundraiser it was not as successful and leaves me and my collaborator quite shy of the goal. As in - potentially not going to happen.

I'm not ashamed to tell you I'm really sad, and I got kinda depressed and shut off. I wasn't with my best friend, I wasn't sharing my experiences and my feelings of shortcoming, and I wasn't getting to share in her experiences and her excitement and new revelations (like hanging with the elephants and those things that only happen in India). I missed her enormously, I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be in India doing Seva, and I was consumed with the thought that I'd made all the wrong choices.

I haven't really felt depressed in decades, and I did my best to stay focused on good things and doing what I needed to do. It didn't help that I felt I'd passed on my chance to go to India - not saying I've given up on my Seva Challenge, but I have been really surprised, and a little disappointed at how difficult it has been to get people's attention for long enough to get them to consider a donation.

And, this is a tough time, with a lot of need, and I get it - it's probably a lot easier to just not think about six-year-old girls getting raped 10-15 times per day but rather just buy some new shoes, go out to a show, drop $50 at Alamo Drafthouse, buy Lotto tickets, or just give another donation to your other causes. I'm not bitter, just really sad that I'm not succeeding at helping.

I'm not used to not succeeding, especially when I put all of my efforts into something. Yet, here I am, 6 months later, teaching classes to 1, 2 or maybe 5 people... having workshops where 1 person shows up, having fundraisers that break even, watching other teachers get classes at studios I've been talking to, and simply wondering when things will break?

They say that the arrow has to feel the backwards draw - the pull back - before it's released into flight. That would be now, and this bow doesn't stretch much farther. And, it's the harvest season; I know I've planted good seeds and I intend to keep tending them. Just looking for that break-through moment.

And, I'm not giving up on my Seva Challenge - and I'm not giving up on asking! So, here's a plea - hit the link and drop a donation! I'd love to serve for you in India, and improve the situation for a small number of the girls there that are in slavery and despondency. Don't make it about me, make it about serving them!!

Thanks and praise!

1 Comment

Authenticity - Are You Hiding Your Thorns?

5/10/2012

0 Comments

Wow, sorry!! I guess I took about a week off there! Thanks for your patience, consider me back at it!

Put a lot of effort into GaneshFest and what an incredible gathering it was!! I still am high from all the love, vibrations, prana and soul-sweetness that I felt there. So eternally grateful for my co-creators and collaborators, and in fact, just spent much of this last week sitting in gratitude. Letting it settle in, make sense, feel good - oh, and yes, some deep long naps, and some crazy number-crunching to bring it all to close!

I wouldn't trade that experience for the world! In fact, I'm super buoyed by the amount of positive feedback and buy-in... so many folks, both those who attended and those who created, are asking 'what's next?'. I am as well! I think this community and the work we can do is clear; now we need to focus on how to continue that service, and how to uplift our entire group! I'm excited for the challenge!

One pleasure of the weekend was watching such a diverse group of folks, who really share so much in common, connect, share, get real, and be authentic. We had Asthangis, Flowers, Kundalinis, and of course, the ever popular 'yoga mutts' - just breathing, hanging, practicing and being together. That resonance, and the conversations I had, lead me to this post - a post on 'authenticity'.

If you read me much, by now you know I love language and linguistics. Not only because I see so much of the PIE (Proto Indo-European) cognates run from Sanskrit to both the Romance and the Teutonic/Norse language groups, but also because words are like asanas. They contain so much inherent information; if we simply explore the foundations, then the expressions mean so much more.

Authenticity - being yourself, being true to yourself, being authentic... ok, let's go deeper.

authentic (adj.) mid-14th century first usage, meaning "authoritative"
This comes down from the Old French root, autentique - then, down from the 14th century into Modern French authentique.

The word came into Old French via the words "authentic; canonical," which are directly from Middle Latin - authenticus. This comes to Latin, from the Greek word authentikos meaning "original, genuine, principal," which itself is a conjugate of authentes, or "one acting on one's own authority,"

This breaks down really directly, from autos "self" + hentes "doer, being,". Like I mentioned before, go back far enough and you get to PIE, where we have the root *sene- "to accomplish, achieve."

Ok, so you're 'self-being' and that makes you some level of acting from one's own authority; let's look at that.

authority (noun) from the Old French auctorité "authority, prestige, right, permission, dignity, gravity". I like that! From the Old French of the 12th century down to Modern French, the word is autorité. This was influenced from the Latin - auctoritatem (the nominative is auctoritas) and means "invention, advice, opinion, influence, command,". From this same root, we get the Latin auctor or "master, leader, author".

Authentic also indicates "accomplishment" and "achievement", so let's dive into those, briefly:

accomplish (verb) from the late 14th century word in Old French - acompliss-, the stem of acomplir "to fulfill, fill up, complete". This was refined from the 12th century Vulgate Latin word *accomplere. This is formed via the Latin ad- "to" + complere "fill up" (think of "complete").

achieve (verb) from the early 12th century word in Old French - achever, "to finish, accomplish, complete". This comes from the phrase à chef (venir) "at an end, finished". We also see this in the Vulgate Latin - *accapare, from Late Latin - ad caput (venire); both the French and Late Latin phrases share the literal meaning "to come to a head," from stem of Latin caput "head" (think cap, as in ballcap; think Capitol, as in the head of government; think Kapala Bhati as in "Skull Shining!).

The way I read it, authenticity is taking responsibility for being exactly who we are, and acting from that sense of purpose. It means we should find dignity and gravity in our composure, and that we should become leaders - either to self, or to those who may need guidance.

It also contains the principle of fulfillment; of the joy that is found in truly being the self. In allowing others to love your entirety, rather than deciding what to share with whom, from guilt, shame or concern of judgment. Simply to be, and to be fulfilled - to be complete, to come to a head.

This is a noble goal, and kinda scary. That means maybe you find out your yoga teacher loves a beer now and again... that's ok, if they're authentic - but if there are shame games, or "do as I say, not as I do", or even subterfuge, that is denying our wholeness, our self, our divinity - the nature of our authenticity.

And, as a friend reminded me - being authentic is like being bald and accepting it... which means, you don't worry about which 'hat you are wearing' or when to switch them. You don't have to be this person, then that, and then one in the middle when two worlds collide. You don't have to remember what language and words to use, if you don't edit yourself to the occasion.

It's a tough mission; I've seen some incredible examples in the past two weeks and I'm renewed in my desires and emboldened in my actions to come to a place that is authentic ,caring and sharing. I just gotta be me, wouldn't wish it on anyone else!! And, if I'm gonna be me, I've gotta get better at it, everyday! That's the plan!

How are you feeling about that? Do you notice authentic folks in your life, or on the contrary, have you begun to notice when it doesn't feel solid? When folks don't seem to be who they are?

Do you notice the tendency in your own life to 'become someone else' in an alternate situation? Are you one way with friends, one with family, one with co-workers? Just think on it, notice what it might be about...

Then, give thanks and praise - feel complete and bring it to a head!

0 Comments

I Wear A Mask So Falsely Numb...

Change, Adapt, Evolve?

Buy Us a Drink!

Vulnerability, Confessions and Lessons...

Authenticity - Are You Hiding Your Thorns?

Chrispy - Bhagat Singh

Connect with me:
Facebook:
chrispy bhagat singh
Facebook:
RockStarYoga
Facebook:
RaSaYana
YouTube:
chrispy bhagat singh
Instagram:
petrastella
Twitter:
petrastella
Email:
rockstar@rockstaryoga.us

Archives

Categories

I Wear A Mask So Falsely Numb...

Change, Adapt, Evolve?

Buy Us a Drink!

Vulnerability, Confessions and Lessons...

Authenticity - Are You Hiding Your Thorns?

Chrispy - Bhagat Singh

Connect with me:Facebook: chrispy bhagat singh Facebook:RockStarYogaFacebook:RaSaYana YouTube:chrispy bhagat singhInstagram:petrastellaTwitter: petrastellaEmail: rockstar@rockstaryoga.us

Archives

Categories

Connect with me:
Facebook:
chrispy bhagat singh
Facebook:
RockStarYoga
Facebook:
RaSaYana
YouTube:
chrispy bhagat singh
Instagram:
petrastella
Twitter:
petrastella
Email:
rockstar@rockstaryoga.us