Blog Archives

Leaving, on a jet plane.

31/3/2012

Packing this morning - I always wait until the night before/morning of. So, here I am, getting ready to head out to Holland, where the temperature is in the 40s, and wet. "Real Feel - 30s".

I'm definitely excited, and I'm willing to be chilly and wet to hang out in my favorite city. I've been enough times now to know what to do, where to go and the shortcuts to get there, fun things to do that never get old, and with the work that has been going on at both the Rijks and the Stedelijk, there is always something new to see.

So, check back here - I'll be posting upon occasion, and I'll share this link here to my 'other blog' where my wife and co-conspirator and I have travelogued some of of prior fun trips. Our tradition in Amsterdam is to take a photo every 2000 steps. No matter where or when, we just find a what and take a photo. It makes for a great diversion and friends always want to see photos, so it satisfies that without putting pressure on us to have to capture 'meaningful things'.

Feeling really blessed to be taking such a nice vacation in a place I love with my friend that I love - timing couldn't be any better! Soive thanks and praise, and enjoy what lies ahead of you!

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Orange is still the color of my heart!

29/3/2012

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Couple of quick thoughts --- again, thanks to all of you for your support and kind words. I can see that my thoughts have really resonated with some folks and I'm happy to be able to share the perspective and to get your feedback. So, please, when you stop by, reply or comment when you can. It is great to continue to meet y'all, and when you share your experience with me, you become my teachers!

I'm really feeling the transition from 'what I know' to the unknown today - I think I almost had an anxiety attack, but luckily, I work in the body, with the body and through the body, and I just had to breath into it, experience it, identify it and release it.

THIS IS WHY WE DO ASANA PRACTICE - SO WE CAN USE THOSE SKILLS IN OUR LIFE!

So thankful to have these tools and skills; immensely grateful to move to a space where that will be my main focus, not my 'nice spot in the day', but my work.

In truthful retrospect, I wasn't always the best manager I could be or the nicest person to work for - I'm pretty clear I wasn't a despot or a tyrant, but I could've stayed more principle-centered and been more compassionate. I wasn't; I noticed, I worked to improve and then through discernment, I decided not to put myself in the position of directing other people's work - except, of course, when that work is asana and the student comes for that purpose.

It is very liberating to put that behind me - but in doing so, I will take account for my actions and behaviors. If I offended or diminished you, I apologize - please let me know if there is some clean-up to be done. And, to be clear, since a minority of this community ascribed blame that was not mine on me, I offer this to people I was or am in direct relationship with, not anyone who was ever pissed at the place I work. No flap-jackin', that's not my shit!

My goal is to connect, to build alliances and support networks, to unite and to spread the benefit of asana practice as far and wide as my peers can handle!

But first, my timing has worked out really well. I'll be leaving the country for a week off, starting Saturday. So, catch me if you can, I'll be in der Nederlanden, and that is why my heart is still orange!!

Tot ziens! Dank en lof geven!

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On giving thanks and praise...

28/3/2012

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I say that, a lot. I mean it - to close the class, because of great things that happen, because of sorrowful things that occur, and because I hope to embody and create that consciousness.

So, today, it must be my blessing to now do as I say and as I do.

Friends, colleagues, co-workers, friendly strangers, fellow yogis and seekers. THANKS AND PRAISE.

This week I made the big leap - out of security into the unknown, out of 'career' and into 'calling'. I guess Kerouac would be proud of me, I feel like a real "Dharma Bum".

So, the support, the kindness, the insights and the love that have been extended to me humble and embolden me. I am truly blessed to be in community with great people, who share both the joys and the struggles. I am where I need to be; I'm doing what I need to be doing.

The next steps aren't that clear, but that's OK. I"m open and that is where I need to be - I've made space for something new to come into my life. I've 'let go' so that when I see what it is that will serve my highest purpose and allow me to do my dharma I will have an open hand of greeting and be able to accept and hold those new gifts.

To you each - and all that I am just beginning to know, and those who I have yet to collaborate with - I honor you and thank you.

Everyday - give thanks and praise - today, receive it from me!

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Between no longer and not yet -

27/3/2012

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On the threshold of some bright affair - all credit to David Sylvian for those inspired lyrics. I've been working that thought now for over 6 years.

I've been really lucky, I've had two great careers in my life thus far - I got to be one of many who helped co-create Whole Foods Market (when I started, there were 6!). I had a great run, and was lucky that after over a decade in Store Leadership and 15+ years in the company and having received the highest accolades, I was able to step away, amicably, on my own terms, into some nothingness.

Yeah, admittedly, it's pretty crazy to walk away from a successful career... yet at the time, I felt it was the right thing to do. I had joyfully and willingly consumed my life with my work for over a decade and a half, had some great highs and some deep lows, but it was what it was, and I was ready to move into something new.

Luckily, I also turned 40 when I first retired and had made a rash promise to my wife in my early 30s that if she would just let me focus on my career, I would promise to focus on having some regular physical routine at the age of 40. So, retired, doing nothing loudly and proudly, and filled with space. Spirit came into that space and through guilt and honor, I attended my first yoga class.

I HATED IT - I MEAN HATED IT! But, luckily I'm a freak and that really intrigued me. I had a long history of persistence as a response to resistance, so begrudgingly, I came back to the mat, over and over. I can't remember when, but I started to really like it. And, then, I had a daily practice - then I was doing 10 classes a week. Then Teacher Training; then teaching ten and taking ten.

I feel hard; here I am, still in love. But I jump forward...

Moved from Michigan, where Whole Foods had taken me, back home to Austin, and I was so pleased to come to Yoga Town!! My Ommies! And, the next thing you know, I'm working in the yoga industry, just a little teaching, but a lot in the support and behind the scenes and business. Within a year, I became Operations Officer for a locally "OM'd" group of studios. Three and a half years later, here I am.

Once again, on the threshold - I've had another great run, another enviable career. But, it's time for me to move into that nothingness again, and see what presents this time. I love me my yoga, I love leadership, I love the conscious activism of teaching. I love the energy and purpose of my new-found Austin Yoga Tribe and our intention to broaden community and create awareness and to raise funds in order to eradicate sexual trafficking. I've got a lot of exciting things in that nothingness.

Yesterday I resigned my full-time job in order to more fully dedicate myself to conscious activism and leadership and collaboration within the ATX yoga community. A big leap, a step into my greater potential. Am I thrilled, yup! Am I scared? Yup! Do I believe that Spirit will do with me whatever is best for all - I must, or else I dishonor my teachers!

So, what's your threshold - are you willing to get between "no longer" and "not yet"? Even if "not yet" isn't clear, defined, or safe? What are the risks you've taken or are willing to take?

Do you have enough space in your life to invite in what you want? Can you let go of what you are holding onto so tightly so that you can grab onto what comes your way?

Let me know, throw me some positive vibes, and give thanks and praise!

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Do or not do - there is no try!

26/3/2012

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Do what you are doing while you are doing it - that's the entire, simplistic and yet most complicated point of this post. Let's break it down.

Do what you are doing - that means approach it like yoga - rather than union, think of linking. Linking yourself completely to the action or moment at hand. Not in projection or obsession on the outcome, but just in an engaged and present way. That also means leaving history in the past; don't approach it with all of the former experiences or occurrences, both good and bad at the forefront of your mind, for in doing so, you are repeating history, not crafting the present.

Let me make it a little more tangible - right now, is your singular intent reading this? Really, I'm flattered, but are you eating or drinking something? Listening to music? Have multiple windows open and actively panning for excitement, or simply just hanging out somewhere in public but checking out some blogs and then some people, then whatever?

The question is, is that how your practice goes? Are you elsewhere, making big or small plans? Checking out ideas in your head, remembering the good times, thinking about what you'll eat later? It's natural, it's the practice, to understand that tendency to disassociate and pull away into reflection, distraction, projection - anything but the experience or sensation at hand.

Can you use the breath, as the yuj - the link - the one thing that binds you to what you are doing? Can you experiment with simply trying to give your fullness to one thing alone? In the asana practice, the linking of breath and body and engagement; perhaps in your life for a selected experiment. A time without multitasking, without rampant sensory input, perhaps driving while not listening to music and making a call while texting! Perhaps, just to be present to your loved one, to only listen to a song, to just simply read a book. To just do what you are doing while you are doing it.

Perhaps that can be working experiment for you as you transcend your practice from the safety of the laboratory and into the screaming mess we call life. Where do you most easily get distracted? What are your multitasks that are productive, but which are the ones that are distracting... when is the last time that the only thing you did was listen, or read, or think?

Give it a try, let me know what it feels like to feel what you're doing and do what you're feeling!

Give thanks and praise.

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"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it."

23/3/2012

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It’s hard being bright – there’s a lot of shite in the world that wants to crummy you up! But, even a blind teacher knows when the sun is shining, so worthy deeds are working deeds and we just do our best.

Some days, we can be that light, we can shine it out. Some days we need the light, we call it in. So, are you someone who feels that they always must be bright and shiny and it’s your job to light up the world?? Well, maybe ‘reflect’ on that and let some illumination come your way!

Or, are you someone who just likes to bask in that nice glow, look for the light and then reflect upon your feelings? Do you need someone to shine the way, make a plan, be the lighthouse? What if you let some of your brilliance out and shined just a little? What could be the loss, or more importantly, what might you gain?

In our practice, we see each – Proud Surya (the Solar God), the source of illumination, the big candle, the heat and fire of transformation and potential. Consistent, present, and on a cycle we feel and see.

Surya is paired with sweet Chandra (the Lunar Goddess), the source of reflection, the mirror for the Sun’s illumination and the coolness of thoughtful action and deep stillness. Inconsistent, waxing, waning, but also on a cycle that we feel and see.

So, brighten up or reflect a little more, but children, ‘run into the light’. Be a living lens or a mirror to clarify, magnify and reflect back on others the beauty they send forth.

This thought brought to you by the quote I led with – I credit today’s post to my ‘little brother’, Mr. Sanjay Shakshi Pandey, of Mumbai. We are family through FB, and he posted the thought and inspired me.

Thanks and praise, brother! Happy New Year!

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Banquets for strangers, scraps for the beloved… maybe some crumbs for you?

22/3/2012

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Teaching asana practice is great; I mean, knowing that you are in a place to hold space, to create opportunity for personal investigation and to witness transformation, both physical and subtle, well that is a gift.

There are times when it really feels so rewarding, or at least, the perfect place to be. I know for myself, and for many other teachers I’ve spoken with, there are times when we go into the space and our own physical ailments recede. The space can be that powerful; to erase a migraine, quell nausea, clear the head, or stop the cramps (OK, haven’t experienced that one personally, but I’ve been told).

There are also times when it can be a struggle – when we aren’t taking care of ourselves, when we aren’t doing our practice, when we lose sight of or move away from intention, when it becomes a routine. Then, honestly, it can be very draining. So, it’s our role as yogis to be doing our practice, and as teachers, to be doing our practice, and not confusing teaching with practicing.

It’s a giving space; we come to serve – when you get to know yoga teachers, they are caring, loving, sharing, and into helping others. That’s the calling; not the paycheck, not the accolades, maybe the great benefit of going to work in your pajamas, but ultimately, because we care and want to help facilitate change and growth. We want to see folks flourish.

Now, the rub – we’re givers, servers, doers. We spend much of our day tending to and caring for others, sometimes complete strangers. All the great teachers I know ‘teach’ after the class is over, or before it even begins. We get single-focused, and end up talking to each other about it. Like great chefs, we create banquets and delicacies and nourishment all day – and we serve them. And, like foodies, it’s much of what we talk about all day.

Then, at the end of our day, fulfilled by contact and service and our experience and the fantastic ‘food’ we’ve made and served, many of us---this yogi first and foremost---find ourselves at home with our beloved or beloveds, and we simply cast them some scraps. No care, no service, basic nutrition perhaps, but not caringly presented, because we’ve already done that. Really, I’ll admit to my own horror, a lot of time I just go home and want to be left alone; but by the person I most love and want to be with?? Yogi, check yourself, because that is out of alignment.

Someone used this metaphor a month ago, and I owned it and have been observing the me that does this. He’s not who I’d like to be, and he’s not who I’d like to be with my best friend and partner. Lucky I got this thing called yoga that makes you think about these things, so I’m consciously working on being present in that relationship… my real yoga, my real union. It’s work, to be sure.

While you ponder that, now recognize, banquets all day for strangers and acquaintances, scraps for the beloved… at best, that leaves crumbs for you, for me, for the ‘cook’, for the giver. That is not acceptable, to be in a space where we martyr our lives and our relationships in some idealized version of service. Simply not sustainable, and verging on hypocrisy!

Get what I’m saying? Any of it taste like your experience? Willing to share your insights, your resolutions, your own methods or discipline of self-care? It’s time for those of us who hold space to allow some to be held for us?

Do you do that? Can you let go of giving and receive? Talk about it, start ‘portioning’ the food and sharing equally, and give thanks and praise.

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Waiting for things to get better – how’s that been working for you?

21/3/2012

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It’s a pretty typical concept or metaphor in asana practice that how you are on the mat is how you are in life – so, do you always wish you were back in bed, or back in the ‘good ole days’ when it was so much better? Or, are you the person who just can’t wait and spends a lot of your life wishing away the class just to be in Savasana, and in your life, wishing away Wednesdays and Thursdays, just waiting for the weekend, when it’ll all be so much better?

Interesting territory to experiment within the laboratory of self; and, the stakes are fairly low in the asana practice. The worst that happens is we hurt our own feelings and dwell on stupid shit; best thing that happens is that we find ourselves and understand our own relation to the world and experience just a little better. But, are you waiting, or creating?

It’s tough work, there are no quick fixes, there are a lot of temptations to do the spiritual bypass and fall for the ‘I’ve forgiven them’ or ‘I’ve meditated on it and I’m good with it’; I suggest if you haven’t cried or been pissed off or depressed by it, then you haven’t dealt with it, you just stuffed it down under your invincible Brahmanic glowing light that you assume you should exhibit, because after all we’re yogis.

Well, yo, Yogis, we’re as messed up and frail and faulty as the rest of the folks just trying to make it every day. A lot of folks fall for the illusion or live in the delusion that ‘we’re better’ because we are engaged in yoga. We’ll, as I like to paraphrase from a great teacher of mine, “If you like how your life is going, then stay away from yoga”. If you think it’ll fix you, it won’t. It’ll show you all the you that you’ve been pretending you are not, that you are over, that you don’t want to see.

And, it gives you the tools to start working on it – it’s doesn’t make it better or you better; it helps you get better at knowing where you could do better. Slippery, I get it, but true. There is no quick fix, and for most of us who last past that second year, we understand that this is for the rest of our lives! That is a big responsibility; which is why we cannot beat ourselves up with our practice at this age since we’ll need the yoga so deeply in our end days.

So, I ask the question again – you’ve got ‘your teacher’, your cute clothes, your mat and your accessories and your perfectly arranged schedule…. and sure, you’re showing up. But when it gets tight, tense, in those poses where you are triggered, when you hate the flow, when the teacher doesn’t know what they are doing – is that when you just retreat and go away? What can you learn from that – again, in the low stakes laboratory of asana practice, can you take a look at who is makes those judgments, those choices, those bypasses.

Not that that’s bad, it’s what it is, not anything to dwell on – but to continue to just swallow it, or repack those bags, or accept those limitations is not going to make anything better. That’s the key – look at what you don’t like, be honest about it and own it and continue to process it. Don’t hide it under the light, don’t take the bypass and Namaste it out. Take the shadow, into the light – do the work, be kind to yourself and don’t ever expect to get better – make things around you better by being just a little bit better every day.

And, you’ve found the safe space and the skill set – so give thanks and praise!

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All things being equal - Crashing Storms, Fertility Goddesses, Fecundity, Bunnies and Balance!

20/3/2012

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Auspicious day upon you! Big up to my locals, what a storm that was last night! Hope all y’all are well; that one blew the house around and scared the horses! But, what an auspicious entry into Springtime! Happy Equinox, Merry Ostara and a Joyous Alban Eiler!

Ēostre or Ostara or Ēostre or Ēastre or Ôstara – no matter what you call her, she derives from Proto-Germanic *Austrō, ultimately from a Proto-Indo-European root *h₂ewes- (→ *awes-), "to shine", and therefore closely related to a conjectural name of *H₂ewsṓs, the dawn goddess, which would account for Greek "Eos", Roman "Aurora", and Indian "Ushas". The modern English term "Easter" is the direct continuation of Old English Ēastre.

Alban Eiler is the the first day of spring, or the Vernal Equinox. On my calendar, there are 8 Wheel Days of the year (8 limbs on the path, 8 spokes on the wheel). The four equinoxes and solstices are the Fire Days; the Quarter Days between are the Dark Days. Alban Eiler, which means, "Light of the Earth," is the time that night and day stands equal. Crops are typically sown at this time. The equinoxes and solstices were seen, to the Celts, as a time of transition. This rare balance in nature made these days a powerful time for magic to the ancient Druids.

This season represents beginnings, planting seeds, creating intention – what we plant now will come to fruition and ripen over the next two seasons; what we ‘put away’ for the Winter may now emerge again. Spring officially begins on this day. Indeed, the earth appears to glow with the burgeoning of new life. The tender green of new leaves in the sunlight creates a bedazzlement, a fecundity that we are not accustomed to during the past season. Alban Eiler is associated with the "Rites of Spring," which had to do with the fertility of both plant and animal life.

The celebrations at the vernal equinox anticipated or celebrated the first plowing of the fields, which signified the land’s annual resurrection from the long, cold sleep of winter, inaugurating a new season of fertility. Homes, lanterns, hearths and children were all given a renewed blessing with earth. Crossing the forehead with soil as a symbol of one's connection with the earth was one way of enacting this.

Household animals were often led out to wooded hills to drink from freely flowing springs. This was done to cleanse and strengthen them, symbolically, for the summer’s work. So, we should look at last night’s storms and rain as the cleansing of the season, the freely flowing water that we will so desperately need as we move through the following seasons. The green we have now is the promise of the fertility that waits.

As at all the equinoxes and solstices, there is a rare balance in nature made this day a powerful time of magic for the ancient Druids. From this day forward the forces of light wax and the forces of darkness wane, but on this day they are equally balanced, poised on the razor’s edge. Alban Eiler is a between time, one of the eight portals of the seasons, during which we may more easily move from this world into other realms.

Birds nest and lay their eggs and symbolize for us the egg which has been within the goddess growing since Midwinter. The eggs of birds are colored and eaten in celebration of the emergence of the Son from the womb of the goddess on this day. This is a time of balance, sexual awakening (watch out Gurus and unscrupulous female students!) and fertility -- the planting of spring flowers is an excellent sign of understanding and a safe way to express those feelings.

And, in honor of my soul sista, Sadie Nardini - what post would be complete without something about the Hare, the Bunny, the venerable Rabbit? Well, the púca (or pooka, phouka, puca, púka) is one of the Old Irish spirits long connected with Alban Eiler. In its most ancient, mystical guise, the púca was either a man transformed into rabbit form or else a rabbit transformed into the likeness of a man.

The púca has now been demonized in Christian mythology (in the face of hemophagy, cannabalism and human sacrifice, Bunnies are an anathema!), but before that it was known as the consort of the Fair Lady of the Vernaltides (he was the boyish lover of the goddess). The púca was a spirit servant who acted as a helper in bringing the powers of the Vernaltides to presence in field, garden and wood. In some stories, the púca acts as the boon companion spirit of the Irish Earth Goddess Tailtiu as the vernal equinox approaches.

Rabbits are an old Celtic icon of the fertility of the land. Rabbits have been symbolic of the potency of life in many pagan traditions. To have a rabbit living near where you live is to be reminded, day by day, of the ancient goddess. It was said that if you fed rabbits near your door, benevolence would come and visit you over the course of the summer months.

So, plant seed, plant flowers, play with bunnies, get balanced, clean out the old, make fertile fields furrowed and give thanks and praise!

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Within the flickering light and warmth of the flame, but not consumed…

19/3/2012

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Within the asana practice, there can be times of struggle and times of ease; times where we feel the need to coax just a little more out of it, and times where we realize that we are simply coasting through it. We need to be aware of those moments that take us from our intention and attention, or attraction, to the natural and innate tendencies to push too hard, or to simply drift away into the ease and mindlessness, to distraction.

The edge: not the ‘edge’ where they say if you aren’t living there you’re taking up too much space edge; no, the edge of the practice, that vital space of information and transformation; any less effort and our mind wanders out of the asana practice – any more effort and we would lose the subtly of pranayama and sacrifice the benefit of the practice!

So, I would liken this ‘edge’ in the practice to a campfire – come along for my story. The campfire is warm and it represents safety. Its light and warmth are a comfort and it’s a refuge from the darkness. The light keeps the critters away, it casts a protective circle. The heat keeps you warm and contained, and present. The dancing of the flames on the embers is entrancing, mesmerizing, and timeless. It’s what is happening, it’s the primary conversion of energy that we can participate in, it offers purification and possibility; and, potentially danger as well.

If we rush too quickly towards that edge, the campfire, we may stumble, or create too much momentum and not stop in time. We may choke on the smoke, we may get cinders in our eyes, and we may singe our hair or even be injured in the manifestation of the fire! We lose clarity, we hurt ourselves, we gasp and recoil, and we cause stress.

If we tarry, or we hesitate, we also may suffer. We may remain cold and distant; we may be lost outside of the safety and comfort of the circle of light. We may be prey to those things in the shadows that aren’t pleasant, and without the light of the campfire, we may imagine them to be larger or more persistent than they are. We would miss the community, the reverence, the dancing lights of the embers and flames, the energetic exchange of the fire and the folks.

And, what is the ‘edge detector’? How do we know that we aren’t playing with fire, or giving ourselves a cold shoulder? The breath, the breath is the detector of the edge in our practice… Does it lose the quality of mindfulness when we don’t fully engage and bring ourselves into the asana – not the fullest expression, just engaged integrity and focus? Does it become shallow and unattended and does the mind wander? If you can plan your day, you should rather commit to being present and engaging in the practice.

Likewise, do you take every expression, greedily rushing in, mindless of the edge and then finding yourself gasping, panting, mouth-breathing? If we rush too quickly to the heat and the transformation or purification, we can’t sustain the healthy fire without the pranayama. So, a difficult question to take into our practice – are there poses where you know you sacrifice the breath in order to ‘nail’ the pose? What is the benefit of that?? Does the expression of the asana that you seek undermine the integrity of the pranayama and turn you into a mouth-breather?? Krishna forbid it!

That’s why I like this metaphor of the ‘edge’ and the campfire. Don’t rush in and get burned and ruin your trip; but don’t hang out in the cold woods and get bit by a big bad wolf!! Practice working gently to and fro, right at the threshold where you maximize the internal mantra of ‘I am breathing in, I am breathing out’ and let that be the whole of your mind. Breath, linked to engaged expression in posture. Pranayama, Asana, and perhaps, Pratyahara – the intentional withdrawal from your senses and into the moment in front of you – and edgy concept, but a worthy one!

Give thanks and praise, see you ‘round the campfire!

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<<Previous

Leaving, on a jet plane.

Orange is still the color of my heart!

On giving thanks and praise...

Between no longer and not yet -

Do or not do - there is no try!

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it."

Banquets for strangers, scraps for the beloved… maybe some crumbs for you?

Waiting for things to get better – how’s that been working for you?

All things being equal - Crashing Storms, Fertility Goddesses, Fecundity, Bunnies and Balance!

Within the flickering light and warmth of the flame, but not consumed…

Chrispy - Bhagat Singh

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Connect with me:
Facebook:
chrispy bhagat singh
Facebook:
RockStarYoga
Facebook:
RaSaYana
YouTube:
chrispy bhagat singh
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petrastella
Twitter:
petrastella
Email:
rockstar@rockstaryoga.us