When the time comes, and you know your situation, and your character demands what your ego doesn't want, what is that like? That's some yoga, right there... the superficial weaker mind trying to exercise whatever level of control it can over the higher purpose. The ego thinks 'why bother', or 'I'm right anyway' or all of those other myriad and tawdry ways we can convince ourselves that we should remain in passive aggressiveness or in victimhood or in superiority. And none of those have anything to do with engagement, with linking, or with higher purpose.
What's that fear - where does the anxiety come from? Is is palpable inside of you - can you feel it ,and if so, where are those feelings seated? Can you speak to those things? Can you begin to really explore the internal landscape of your emotions as well as your energetic being and can you be willing to do the dirty work? To witness, you at the times you'd rather not acknowledge?
Can you have basic love and compassion for yourself, while you 'understand' the reticence and the reality of the fear and emotion. Then will you also lovingly hold firm and accept nothing less than character, and growth and facing the limitations with equanimity and a desire to improve the situation?
What aren't you talking about that you should be? What apology do you owe, what clean up is there, and what are you going to do about it? I suggest not beating yourself up about it, but rather holding yourself in the space of compassion and care; release the grief, own the moments and move forward, with the best for all in mind.
Give thanks and praise, learn the lesson!