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If We Can Be In Love With Someone Who Is Away From Us, Can't We Be In Love With Someone Who Is Gone From Us?

14/2/2013

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A letter to his dead wife...

I've posted this before, but it's so resonant and on point for this day... I'm a bit of a sentimentalist when it comes to loving your partner, and the desire to know and experience connection unbound, unending and unseverable.

I'm not enough of a sentimentalist to think it's clouds and harps, but I'm always inspired when one of my heroes and mentors (and most rational and excellent bongo-playing man of science) gets me weepy with his words.

From the incredible Richard Feynman... here's the story. In June of 1945, Arline Feynman — high-school sweetheart and wife of the hugely influential physicist, Richard Feynman — passed away after succumbing to tuberculosis. She was 25-years-old.

16 months later, in October of 1946, Richard wrote his late wife the following love letter and sealed it in an envelope. It remained unopened until after his death in 1988.


October 17, 1946

D’Arline,

I adore you, sweetheart.

I know how much you like to hear that — but I don't only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.

But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures.

When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don't want to be in my way. I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don't want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you.

I love my wife. My wife is dead.

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address.

For the loved, the beloved, those here in arms and those lost to us and only held in the heart and mind. Here's to love, across the units we can measure and beyond those we can comprehend.

Give thanks and praise, and be loved, loving and beloved. Say it, it won't hurt you: mean it and it will fulfill you.

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Mindfulness - In Your Observations, Your Abstentions and Your Relationships!

11/2/2013

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Big month out there - lots of energetics in the planets, we've got the Mardi Gras and beginning of Lenten Season, and of course, the holiday where we are extolled to show our love by doing arcane actions in a mindless and pointless way - one romantic's opinion.

These times remind me that I work with a concept, personally and in my teaching - it's simple, but as all disciplines, in its simplicity is its challenge. Here is my premise, I've posted this before, but this past week I said it in context in class, and then it was quoted on FB - given the times, it's on point:

Do what you are doing while you are doing it - that's the entire, simplistic and yet most complicated point of this post. Let's break it down.

Do what you are doing - that means approach it like yoga - rather than union, think of linking. Linking yourself completely to the action or moment at hand. Not in projection or obsession on the outcome, but just in an engaged and present way. That also means leaving history in the past; don't approach it with all of the former experiences or occurrences, both good and bad at the forefront of your mind, for in doing so, you are repeating history, not crafting the present.

Let me make it a little more tangible - right now; is your singular intent reading this? Really, I'm flattered, but are you eating or drinking something? Listening to music? Have multiple windows open and actively panning for excitement, or simply just hanging out somewhere in public but checking out some blogs and then some people, then whatever?

The question is, is that how your practice goes? Are you elsewhere, making big or small plans? Checking out ideas in your head, remembering the good times, thinking about what you'll eat later? It's natural, it's the practice, to understand that tendency to disassociate and pull away into reflection, distraction, projection - anything but the experience or sensation at hand.

Can you use the breath, as the yuj - the link - the one thing that binds you to what you are doing? Can you experiment with simply trying to give your fullness to one thing alone? In the asana practice, the linking of breath and body and engagement; perhaps in your life for a selected experiment. A time without multitasking, without rampant sensory input, perhaps driving while not listening to music and making a call while texting!

Perhaps, just to be present to your loved one, to only listen to a song, to just simply read a book. To just do what you are doing while you are doing it.

Perhaps that can be working experiment for you as you transcend your practice from the safety of the laboratory and into the screaming mess we call life. Where do you most easily get distracted? What are your multitasks that are productive, but which are the ones that are distracting... when is the last time that the only thing you did was listen, or read, or think?

Give it a try, let me know what it feels like to feel what you’re doing and do what you're feeling!

Give thanks and praise.



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Dream a Dream - Today and Everyday...

21/1/2013

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"Sleep
Sleep tonight
And may your dreams
Be realized
If the thunder cloud
Passes rain
So let it rain
Rain down on him
So let it be
So let it be

Sleep
Sleep tonight
And may your dreams
Be realized
If the thundercloud
Passes rain
So let it rain
Let it rain
Rain on him.." - U2

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The Heart Knows Better - Step 12 to Happiness

22/12/2012

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Thanks for being patient with me... here I am to wrap up the 12 Steps to Happiness.

First, I got a little derailed by very unhappy events; then, you know, I hedged my bets - if the world was gonna end, did you need the last step? However, here we are; no drama, no great cataclysmic traumas, and full on into the holidays.

Hope you had a great Solstice, and partied for the 'last-first' day, our new Baktun! Let's just say, we love a threshold. Most folks don't just make resolutions out of the blue. We like significant dates, big events, large meaning behind the 'shift', so that we can align. New Year's resolutions, waiting for some arbitrary, yet significant date, to decide to do something.

Perhaps that is fitting - doesn't have to be total destruction to make changes... maybe it's just enough to have the shift occur. Let's hope we can move forward from a lot of the shite that has been 'business as usual' for so long. To bad it takes tragedy to make outrage to encourage change, but that is where we are.

Back to happiness: a birthright, a condition, an exercise and a life-saver. I know this past week it's been a difficult choice to make, to focus on that which is good, beneficial, worthy; but just as at any other time, it's right there for that asking.

Our minds seek reasons, so we assign blame - we make others into "THE OTHER" and then cause more separation as we all try to convince each other of our 'small truths'. I'm not immune or innocent; which brings me back to this post. The mind is divisive, but the heart knows better. Yes it does.

When we find that sweetness, when we can take ourselves out of the spinning monkey mind, and just still ourselves, let the emotions be processed, release the anger and sorrow, quiet the errant thoughts and really get into our feelings, the heart knows better.

Thus, there's only one thing to do:


Make it last forever
Make it last forever
Yes, it's been a long time coming

There's a name for this one
There's a name for that
Call me by my true name
I'll call you back
But I've no intention of seeking you out

And the mind's divisive
But the heart knows better
Better
...
Did you know that the heart sends more electrical impulses to the brain than the brain does to the heart? By a factor of nine times, so it's pretty clear we are wired to 'know better.' What gets in the way - our thoughts, our opinions, our prejudices, our non-negotiables, our need to be heard, to be right, and of course, our need for indignation.

Happiness, it's a choice. It's made with the heart, and it's defeated in the head. The heart is the seat of our relationship with others, how we emote who we truly are and how we connect. The head is for logic, the heart for emotion. Emotions of all sorts, which is why we need to have a real relationship with ourselves - either a mindfulness practice of some sort, or another ability to observe our own thoughts, to still the mind and to discern where we get in our own way.

This past month, I've experienced a powerful teaching. I 'fell out of' relationship with a friend and mentor I cared about, who I respected and who I wanted to grow closer with. In the absence of good communication, I started to 'fill in the blanks' and what a story I created! I mean, it was insane in my head, but it all made the sense I needed it to, and I could make her all wrong and me the victim.

I had the chance to communicate about it, and what should've been my sorrow and my hurt from my heart became an very heady endeavor to convince her how wrong she was, how horrible she had treated me, how wronged I'd been. Great fantasy I had created, but in my mind I was so right.

Luckily, she's no chump, so she shot straight back. Well, we're human; it got into parsing each others words and actions, lots of recriminations and then all of the sudden I realized that I was creating more and more separation, when the original goal was to reconnect! Crazy, but it's not that unusual. But, I find less and less interest in creating separation and more and more interest in finding connection - that's the work.


Rage, that's when anger isn't processed; luckily we didn't rage! Anger, it's what occurs when sorrow isn't processed - often times it's easier to lash out than to go inward and do the work, to really examine the emotions and get to the root cause. I wasn't fooling me, I knew better. I know hurt, just like many of us, don't enjoy it and can replace it really easily. Doesn't make it go away - doesn't make me want to have 'it last forever' in that state.

Thankfully, neither one of us is a quitter, so I took it all in, took some clarifying time and re-wrote everything from "here's what I assumed, here's what I felt, here's what hurt me, here's where I feel the sorrow." And, the response I got was all about "I can totally see that, of course, that makes sense. Here's what happened and while I should've done this and you should've done this, it only matters that we care, we want to be in relationship and we both knew better."

Yes, the mind's divisive, but the heart knows better. Can you recognize when it's all a mind trip? Can you dip into your feelings and examine them, and let go of the need to be right? Can you check the hurt and sorrow before it's anger, or the anger at least before it becomes rage? Seems like that might be the message of the time.

Maybe it's not that profound; it actually feels startlingly simple. In concept perhaps, but the work is arduous.


While all of the lyrics aren't on point, and some of them fairly obtuse, I've been informed by the song I'm quoting here for almost a decade, and the artist who recorded it for over three decades. Enjoy a clip of it at the end of the post - haunting, beautiful, informative.

Are you absent from the place you ought to be? Do you experience the devastating beauty? Can you make it last forever?

And the mind's divisive
But the heart knows better
Better...

When she whispered in my ear
What did she say?
She put her hand hard on my chest
What did she say?
Oh, but nothing really matters in the end
And if everything still matters what then?

And the air is humid and my face is wet
And the driver's much too drunk too see
But she's sitting in my place
Devastating beauty in my place
And I'm absent from the place I ought to be

And the mind's divisive
But the heart knows better
Better...


David Sylvian - The Heart Knows Better.
That's what I've got - hope you found something to take away. I'm off tomorrow for the Holidays in Holland. I'll be posting from there about whatever comes up, what I'm seeing and doing! You might enjoy it, I've got an afro wig I'm planning on busting out, and Amsterdam never fails to provide photo ops!

Thanks for checking out my Steps to Happiness. I'd say these steps aren't like a ladder or a staircase, but more like moving stepping stones in the large pond of our lives - there's no one right path, there's no map, there's no assurance that anything matters in the end, and if not, what then?

Sometimes the driver's much to drunk to see - sometimes we make it last forever. But, guaranteed, that mind is divisive and the heart does truly know better.

Which one will you listen to? Which will inform, create and sustain happiness? Check it - work it - feel it. Then, make that devastating beauty last forever, make it last forever...

Give thanks and praise - tot ziens!!

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What Must Be Said??

14/12/2012

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I was planning on wrapping up my 12 Steps to Happiness today, but events make that seem inappropriate. Thus, I'll offer this brief piece, for your consideration.

Times such as these remind us of the randomness of circumstance, the swift and fleeting nature of our relationships, of our connections, and of our ability to love, be loved and show love. I've seen many postings today, from sweet suggestions to outright admonishments... all of them share an idea.

Tell folks you love that you love them. Let them know it, let them hear it. Just say it when you feel it, say it until you are stupid with it, never regret saying it and never leave a loved one without acknowledging that bond. It's simple, and today it seems like a great idea.

Don't wait for tragedy to say it, to feel it and to remember it. We know not what will happen, we are not in control - I mean, really, we are so pitifully out of control and create so many artifices that give us false evidence of power, influence and security - yet they are just that, artifice.

Today, say what must be said, and then say it again, and again and again. And, do it tomorrow and for all tomorrows. Say what you are not saying - have the conversation with the other, not in your head - don't assume 'they know I love them' but drill it into them via sweet repetition. And, when we really think about what we aren't saying, it comes down to four simple statements.


"I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you."
This simple set of declarative statements, or mantras - whichever resonates for you - is what is known as the Ho'oponopono. It's available, it's comprehensive, it's something to be done personally as a meditation or mindfulness practice, but it also serves as a template for reconciliation.

Look to it - are there conversations you should be having, finishing, cleaning up, or clarifying? Are there folks in your life who need to hear what hasn't been said - and wouldn't you be served by letting it out in words and with compassion, both for yourself and for all others?

Repeat it a few times internally... then, in a quiet place, speak one of the statements aloud - feel how it resonates, listen to what it stirs up, observe how you feel. I know that when I simple think of a person I'm in relationship with, whether positively or at odds, and I simply begin by saying one of those lines, the rest of what I need to say flows effortlessly.

Please, take a moment, stop and contemplate, then reach out and connect. Say what you would want to hear, say what folks need to hear. Speak your truth, with kindness, empathy and compassion. Forgive yourself and others, move towards love and thanks.


And, give thanks and praise! The world is random and cruel, it is our application of grace that makes all things better. Be well.

Finally, "I'm sorry - please forgive me. Thank you - I love you."

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Aspire to Inspire - Step 11 to Happiness.

5/12/2012

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Yeah!!! I really like this topic... took a few days' breather in order to be able to offer my thoughts. There's some learning in this one, so take a big inhale - take a long exhale.

We're all looking for inspiration - from Rumi quotes, to good deeds witnessed, to the perseverance and triumph of the human spirit, to a simple comforting hand or word. It's important, as we link inspiration to imagination, creativity, manifestation and hope.

All of us have been inspired, some of the best and most humble among us have been inspirations to others. Whether we are close to someone, or simply their unknown admirer, we love to be inspired to reach for new things, grow to new heights, stretch to new limits.

"Let my inspiration flow in token rhyme, suggesting rhythm,
That will not forsake you, till my tale is told and done.
While the firelight's aglow, strange shadows from the flames will grow,
Till things we've never seen will seem familiar.

Grateful Dead

We aspire to be inspired, surely - but, can we aspire to inspire? You know me, it's all contained in the 'bij' - the essence or root, the most reduced and simple meanings of the word.

We're going to start with Spirit or spirit, uppercase or lowercase, whatever makes you comfortable. A side note of interest - most sacred languages have a distinct word for 'life force' that differs from 'spirit'; e.g. animus vs. spiritus and soma vs. pneuma. And, the words in both Greek and Hebrew for spirit are the same for wind, or air in movement.

Let's check the source material, get back to basics, before a lot of mouths go on these words:

Spirit (n.) "animating or vital principle in man and animals," from Old French espirit, derived from the Latin spiritus "soul, courage, vigor, breath." Spiritus is directly related to spirare "to breathe," which stems from Proto Indo-European *(s)peis- "to blow". 


For the most part, we find the majority of the original usage in English mainly coming from passages in the Vulgate, where the Latin word spiritus translates from the Greek pneuma and Hebrew ruah.

The later distinction between "soul" and "spirit" (as the "seat of emotions") became current in much later Christian terminology (for instance, again using the Greek psykhe vs. pneuma, or the Latin anima vs. spiritus). Spiritus, in classical Latin simply meaning "breath," replaces animus in the sense "spirit" and then only later starts to take on the supernatural connotations it may imply today.

Aspire (v.) "to strive for," from Old French aspirer "aspire to; inspire; breathe, breathe on." Again, directly from the Latin aspirare "to breathe upon, to breathe," but also taking on the later meanings "to be favorable to, assist; to climb up to, to endeavor to obtain, to reach to, to seek to reach; infuse." The word is constructed from ad- "to"  + spirare "to breathe". The notion is of "panting with desire," or "giving the climb your all," "rising like smoke or incense vapors" even.

Inspiration (n.)  "immediate influence of God or a god," especially that under which the holy books were written! Hmm, that's a good one. Divine inspiration, being breathed into by the creative force.


Inspiration comes from the Old French inspiracion "inhaling, breathing in; inspiration." We can now recognize this from the Latin and Late Latin form inspirationem (or if you prefer the nominative - inspiratio). This is the noun of action, from the Latin stem inspirare "inspire, inflame, blow into." The word is constructed from in- "in"  + spirare "to breathe".

From inflame, as in to blow on the fire, to create dynamic tapas and alchemical change, to the literal sense of the "act of inhaling," it wasn't until the late 1800s that the  meaning "one who inspires others" was developed.
"Inspiration, move me brightly. light the song with sense and color;
Hold away despair. More than this I will not ask,
Faced with mysteries dark and vast, statements just seem vain at last.
Some rise, some fall, some climb..."

Grateful Dead

It's that simple... we're living, we're breathing.

There is something very simple about it, the inhale as inspiration, the exhale as expiration; there's also something deeper than the simple respiratory exchange. We take in life force, the animating spirit within us, that rider of the horse, the observer of the self, the one who can ask who is asking this question while listening to it being asked - that is spirit.

But, then, there is Spirit: whether that be divinely ordained, as simple as all living beings amounting to godhead, as animating as the forces that bind the atoms or as pervasive and ineffable as the universe, we are moved and can move others.

And, yes, sometimes it is a climb. Sometimes we have to fan the flames. Sometimes we need a kick-start, a community, a place that reminds us to aspire. That inspires us to reach and stretch and grow, and not simply in the Pursuit of Happiness, but rather in the Creation of Happiness.

Remember, in a pursuit, often something eludes the other; in a creation, both forces serve the whole. So, make it your aspiration to find and give inspiration. Sometimes that is as simple as a helping hand, a kind word, an extra good deed to a stranger or a nice moment reflecting on something you've witnessed.

Let me leave you with one more word - one I suggest that we 're-appropriate' and take back, out of the pejorative and into the affirmative and inspiring. I suggest we take back this word:

conspire (v.) comes from the Old French conspirer which comes from the Latin conspirare "to agree, unite," but more literally simply translates as "to breathe together." The word is constructed from com- "together"  + spirare "to breathe".


This very might have been in regards to musical performances, singing or instruments, where perhaps the notion draws from the alternate definition "to blow together," i.e., "to sound in unison." Seems like the notion of "to plot together" comes along much later.

What if we take back conspiracy and elect to be co-conspirators of inspiration! I'm in, sounds like a good time, or a great yoga class!

Give thanks and praise - this series is almost coming to close, I hope you've been at least entertained, maybe a little enlightened, and hopefully taken something or things from what I've written.

Check back for the final installment of the series, Step 12 to Happiness - The Heart Knows Better!

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Study - Step 10 to Happiness.

30/11/2012

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Study - well, if that doesn't sound ominous, odious, and dreary... Not so, not so - in reality, I'm talking about 'study' as when we find a 'yoga' with something. For instance, when we find an activity or pursuit that really engages and delights us, it's no burden at all to get into it and study up and learn more about it. We seek out those others that are 'good' at it or can help us; we might read up, ask around or work on improving skills. All of this, I suggest, is study.

Study, like watch a flower bloom. Study, like read about a passion. Study, as in observe yourself and your behaviors to learn more about your own subconscious and how that might alter your perceptions. Dive deep, go into something wholeheartedly, devote time and attention. There are so many ways to study.

In the 8 limbs of yoga, we are told that Svadhyaya - study - is one of the imperatives. While there are many ways to translate or interpret the meaning of 'study' in this word, it's most often considered that studying sacred texts will help us study ourselves, as all is allegorical, metaphorical and simply about the true nature of consciousness. By broadening our perspective, we can begin to see the unity.


“It is useful to study different traditions in order to be free of attachment to any one way of expressing what is beyond expression.”
― Ravi Ravindra, The Wisdom of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras: A New Translation and Guide by Ravi Ravindra
Svādhyāya is one of the three key elements in the Kriya (practice, technique) of Yogah (yoga) as defined in the Yoga Sutras. In fact, it opens the second chapter and then later Patanjali mentions Svādhyāya a second time as one of the five Niyamas (observances), along with Sauca (purity), Santosha (contentment), Tapas (zeal, austerity), and Ishvari-Pranadhana (surrender).

I love Sutra 2.1 - I use it on my bio page, because to me, it defines the practice - not of asana, but of yoga. And, while I'm not recovering, it's a basically the Serenity Prayer -

tapah svadhyaya ishvara-pranidhana kriya-yogah (PYS 2:1)

let me have 'Tapah' (the creative force to make change), the Ishavari-Pranadhana (the ability to surrender to that which is greater) and the Svadhyaya (the wisdom to know the difference, what is called for)... this is the Kriya (practice) of Yoga.

I'm not suggesting you have to dive into the Sutras, read the Gita, go back to the Bible, or any sacred text. You could study yourself with Thoreau, with Schopenhauer, with Neitzche, with Shakespeare, with David Sedaris. Really, you can study through reading, or through experience.

I've spent a lot of time reading sacred texts, from all cultures. I'm emboldened by the original purity of the intention and message and how universal they are; I am dismayed by how much culture and time and imposition was added to the those texts and now they have been perverted through poor usage and other agendas. I thought the following quote was right on track...
“Spiritual literature can be a great aid to an aspirant, or it can be a terrible hindrance. If it is used to inspire practice, motivate compassion, and nourish devotion, it serves a very valuable purpose.

If scriptural study is used for mere intellectual understanding, for pride of accomplishment, or as a substitute for actual practice, then one is taking in too much mental food, which is sure to result in intellectual indigestion.”
― Prem Prakash, The Yoga of Spiritual Devotion A Modern Translation of the Narada Bhakti Sutras

This is why I prefer and suggest the study be experiential... that the classroom be the Self, that the Teacher or object of our study is the yoga or the mindfulness or the seva or whatever brings you into relationship with self and Self. Perhaps if you re-appropriated the word "study" out of the academic world, out of tests and proficiencies and all-nighters and simple regurgitation of facts, we could thrive in learning.

I like language, so let me end on that note - study, the etymology. If you trace most language groups back, they got to a common ancestor that is called P.I.E., or Proto-Indo European. This is the 'base language' for hundreds of language groups, which include Sanskrit and Latin and Greek. So, that's why we see cognates in Sanskrit to English. Sukha - Sucrose. Pada - Pedestrian, Podiatrist. Mukha - Mug as in Mugshot...

So, "study" comes down from a PIE root *(s)teu-  which means "to push, stick, knock, beat". As it arrived into the Latin, it took on the connotation of "being diligent, moving forward, applying attention". By the 1300s, CE, it had the specific meaning of "application of the mind to the acquisition of knowledge".

But just keep it simple - push for it, stick to it, knock the disinformation and your preconceptions out of the way, beat aside falseness and even the temptation to take easy answers over truthful ones. Be diligent, move forward, apply attention. Apply your mind and efforts towards the acquisition of knowledge, and then thrive through that wisdom.

And, if you do all of that on a skateboard, or on the XBox, or by collecting Star Wars figures, then dive in, go deep, learn more. Study, be a student, learn to love learning and you will learn love and happiness.

Be well, give thanks and praise - last day here in Dallas assisting my fabulous teacher and mentor and friend, Seane.


Looking forward to getting back to the ATX and a fun weekend. Next installment coming up is, Step 11 - Aspire to Inspire!
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Serve and Help - Step 9 to Happiness.

27/11/2012

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Seva - that is the word we use from the Sanskrit, for selfless service. Service that is offered in the sense that any improvement that can be made for any one person improves every person's experience.

What makes Seva 'selfless' is that the work is done for the action, for the intention, but not for a specific or even general reward. However, that is true and yet untrue. For if you ask anyone who has spent time in service to others, who has selflessly given in order to assist and elevate others, that even without the desire for it, there is great happiness in giving of ourselves.


I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.
Rabindranath Tagore
That get's kinda out there and noble, but it really hit home for me this past few months. As you might know, I've spent the majority of this year working to raise awareness and funds in a Global Seva Challenge - one that is aimed at assisting those who have been liberated from sexual slavery.

Well, it's been a great ride, and I've learned a lot. I've done personal fundraising, I've solicited friends, former colleagues and co-workers, associates and strangers. I've taught numerous workshops, public classes and private sessions where all the proceeds benefited the challenge. And, I spent months collaborating on and co-creating GaneshFest, a yoga a music community festival.

Then, about 6 weeks ago, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to achieve the goal I had set - in order to be personally involved in my chosen Seva, I needed to have raised $20,000 by my own and collective actions. I'm proud of the funds I've raised, but I had to admit, the goal was not going to be achieved. I was pretty despondent, with weird feelings like I had failed at something I cared about, that I had let folks down, that I wasn't a person who could manifest and create, etc.

Luckily, my community includes a lot of folks who have done this work and are doing it now... a good few of them reached out to me to check in. One of them - thanks and praise - said to me, and I paraphrase: "are you doing this to help get little girls out of sexual slavery, or are you doing this to be able to say you did it, and go on the trip with Seane (our teacher)?"

BAM! - that's a friend, and that was the question I needed to ponder, to take into my practice and to be mindful on. So, I spent some time with it, and now I have to say, while I would love to be joining those lovely folks and passionate leaders in Seva in India next year, I have done my Seva. And, it only, truly becomes my Seva when I release from the goal of 'achieving' it and move into the space of doing it. For them, not for my ego, not for my identity.


"Living creatures are nourished by food, and food is nourished by rain; rain itself is the water of life, which comes from selfless worship and service."
- Bhagavad Gita, 3.14


I'm really happy to be able to serve, and to be in service to that which I see elevates and illuminates. And, as I write this today, I'm in Dallas, serving and assisting my Teacher, Seane Corn as she leads a Teacher Training. I was also privileged to travel to three of the Wanderlust Festivals over this past summer, and also assisted Seane in her classes there.

There is something really powerful about being in the practice --- not taking the practice and not leading the practice --- witnessing both of those elements and the energetic exchange. The assists I like to focus on are to really ground folks into the physical experience, and of course to assist with alignment and to deepen expression where appropriate. Sometimes the assists I give are to just stand by and breathe with them as they hang for those last few cycles in a tough posture, or just an affirming hand in child's pose.

It's been one of the sweetest experiences for me yet, in my teaching. To find the space between teacher and student and to find how to best serve each. It's an honor to witness the teachings and how they can create sacred space, and how that space allows for incredible personal transformation. It's brought me an enormous amount of fulfillment and happiness.

Where are you finding yours? What can you do for others? What are you good at that can benefit someone else? Are you willing to give, without expecting something in return? And, are you willing to give selflessly, when no one is looking and when no one will say 'thank you'?

Look around you, we can all use a helping hand. This is the season where an old coat that you haven't worn would go a long way for someone who is cold. Where those cans of food that make you feel comfortable in your full pantry could translate into a meal for someone who simply wants to feel full. Make a small action, build on it, look for your way to contribute and give.

And, give thanks and praise! Next Step, #10 - Study!! Don't worry, it's not as ominous as it sounds!

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Sit - Step 8 to Happiness.

25/11/2012

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Mindfulness. Sitting with you, by yourself, being you and watching the drama of you being you. It can be tough, it can be sweet, it can literally save your life.

And, anything that eases the burdens, reduces the stresses, sweetens the ride and gives us time to enjoy and thrive is bound to be a happiness creator. I put mindfulness as tool number one on that list.

What do I mean, more specifically, by mindfulness? Some folks prefer to use the words 'meditation' or 'centering', for some folks it may even be 'prayer', 'contemplation' or 'sadhana'. I mean, simply and directly, creating an intentional time away from activity and interaction with the purpose of sitting still, in purposeful observance of the mind.

You may choose to add observance of the breath, or to add a mantra, or to add an object or image of devotion. The idea is to 'concentrate' in the most classic sense of the world. To come back together towards the center... to reduce our circles of concern and thought back down, like an onion being peeled one layer at a time, until we come to the core, the essence, the seed.

It's a practice, and yes, it can be frustrating. I think as many folks have told me they can't practice mindfulness because they say 'my mind won't ever shut up, how am I supposed to sit and be still!" as tell me they can't do yoga because "I can't touch my toes!". It's a practice... I couldn't speak any language until I was able to walk around as a toddler being unintelligible making noises for a couple years. Miracle of miracles, I ended up speaking (and reading and writing, English!) You practice, you learn; you don't, you don't.

The brain, the mind, your consciousness, your mental condition - whatever you identify with, you are able to work on it, refine it, train it, strengthen it and improve it. Neuroscience has come a long way, and we now know that neuro-plasticity extends through your entire life. You can make this happen, you start with five minutes a day, feeling like a failure because 'the committee in your head is just outraged and out of order!' Persevere, keep at it, chuckle at your own foibles at it... then, maybe you go up to 10 minutes after a week, and you keep doing it.

Practicing mindfulness will increase your energy and your strength. Since stress has so many profoundly negative and taxing effects on us both mentally and physically, when we use mindfulness to eliminate or better control stress, we reclaim more energy. We may think and act more purposefully because our minds aren't weighed down with problems, and have more endurance, because of the reduction of stress on your immune system, which positively affects everything else.

Mindfulness helps to keep you in a positive frame of mind, by actively increasing the levels of serotonin produced in the brain. This benefits of heightened levels of serotonin work to alleviate headaches, tension, depression, as well as providing an elevated sense of well-being.


It has been shown that with regularly practiced mindfulness, blood pressure can be regulated. While this is due largely to the overall reduction of stress, there is also an impact on how blood circulates and how the blood vessels respond and react in a positive way.


Mindfulness creates better ability for focus, and heightened memory function. This leads to the mind 'feeling stronger, more resilient and better able to handle the trials and tribulations of everyday life'. This then leads to greater states of contentment, the ability to seek and pursue fulfilling actions and choices, and the willingness to trust and take risks.


Mindfulness helps you to get out of the details and see the bigger picture; we are able to see things much more clearly. Irrespective of what plagues us, what problems we may have, when we just sit and take the time to observe the action of being, it all becomes just a little less personal, a little less tragic, a little less dramatic... we may even discover solutions for those problems simply by clearing our mind of the repetitive chatter. Then, we become able to take action to clear away the problems and address the issues.


Strong intuition is key to finding a connection to our inner Self. Through harnessing intuition we can preserve the well being of our bodies and minds. To achieve that, we must develop practices which bolster our intuition. A prime method for developing and harnessing good intuition is through mindfulness, which helps you observe your thoughts and feelings in order to have true discernment. It also provides the tranquility to fully follow, understand and embrace our highest purpose, our truest nature, and therein, to find happiness.

Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin, has led experiments in cooperation with the Dalai Lama on effects of meditation and mindfulness on the brain. His results suggest that long-term, or short-term practice of mindfulness meditation results in different levels of activity in brain regions associated with such qualities as attention, anxiety, depression, fear, anger, the ability of the body to heal itself, and so on. These functional changes may be caused by changes in the physical structure of the brain.

There, so in addition to all of that above, we've got proven tool for weight loss, we hit blood pressure already, it's a mental acuity strengthener, and it's been proven to reduce heart disease. It'll make you smarter, a more empathetic and emotionally intelligent person, and overall, increase your ability to sustain periods of contentment and happiness.

All of that is excellent, but the highlight for me is this. Studies show,
people who start out the day with fifteen to thirty minutes of mindfulness statistically have a better, happier day. They handle anything that comes up with ease, with no stress --- or at the very least, minimal short term stress --- they move easily from task to task, with complete focus.

Simply put, mindfulness helps us be happier. We all have a set point of happiness in our lives, like the optimum temperature on a thermostat. The environment makes us feel ourselves higher or lower, but there's always that set point we recalibrate ourselves to; where we experience happiness. Through the practice of mindfulness meditation we can raise that happiness calibration to a higher level, which, over time will make your happy times even happier, and your unhappy times seemingly less unhappy.

Get happy, give thanks and praise, do the work... make the time, just five minutes at first - sit and be mindful. Observe the breath, repeat an affirmation, focus on a candle flame. Allow your natural thoughts to emerge and simply notice them, then let them drift away like clouds in the sky.

Check back for my next tip - that would be Step 9 - Serve and Help.



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Move - Step 7 to Happiness!

23/11/2012

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Ha, after a day like yesterday, we all need to move a little. Maybe you're a traditionalist and you went outside and threw a pigskin - more likely you sat inside and pigged out as you watched other folks throw that ball...

Or, maybe you took a postprandial ambulation - the proverbial after dinner stroll - in order to not just pass out or make a little more room for pie. Perhaps you got up early and headed to the lake for a Turkey Trot, or a studio and took a yoga class; saw lots of folks taking advantage of that yesterday.

The news in not earth-shattering, it doesn't need to come as a huge revelation, maybe more of a gentle reminder. When we get a little sad, we get a little heavy. Then, we get sedentary and inert. It takes a lot of will to break that inertia, so usually, the inertia builds and it gets harder and harder to get the gumption to do anything. Then, the preponderance of all that 'doing nothing' makes us depressed; we sit in the depression, getting more inert. Without some movement to get our glandular system going and get us really deeply breathing, it's just a vicious cycle of more and more nothingness adding to deeper and deeper despondency.

So, there really is only one choice and that is get moving!! Like, just get off the couch and take a short walk. Get up and stretch, arms overhead, then to one side, then the other. Go up and down some stairs, at home or at work; next time you have an appointment on the 2nd or 3rd floor, walk up. When you feel heavy after a meal, take a short walk or just go outside and breath some fresh air.

We think our lives are so hard, and we work endlessly to be able to buy convenience creating and the pursuit of leisure. For more and more folks that equates to an entitlement of 'not doing anything' or  just 'vegging out' and we all know the variety known as couch potato...


A lot of folks work all day in relatively sedentary conditions - did you know that sitting at work for extended periods of time is actually shortening your life, almost as significantly as smoking!? Then, we sit in our car for a commute, come home and sit down and eat a huge, heavy meal, then plop on the couch to watch some Tube, while perhaps still snacking.

Movement and exercise help regulate the glandular and hormone system in the body, which regulates mental and emotional states. Optimizing our own body's system through regular movement and deep, focused breathing is perhaps the most basic and simple daily maintenance that we can perform. And, it doesn't have to be a huge investment or change. Simple, consistent actions have been shown to make a huge difference. Here's just a little science.

In a study of 65 women with depression and anxiety, the 34 women who took a yoga class twice a week for two months showed a significant decrease in depression and anxiety symptoms, compared to the 31 women who were not in the class.

“Eastern traditions such as yoga have a wonderful antidepressant effect in that they improve flexibility; involve mindfulness, which breaks up repetitive negative thoughts; increase strength; make you aware of your breathing; improve balance; and contain a meditative component,” says Norman E. Rosenthal, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the Georgetown University School of Medicine in Washington, D.C.

Now, I know I'm a yogi, so of course, you say, the answer is yoga... yes, but there are other choices! Like yoga, the slow, gentle movements of Tai Chi are another Eastern tradition that might help you break free from sadness, the blues, depression or major depressive disorder.


In a study of 14 older Chinese patients with depression, those who took Tai Chi over a three-month period showed a significant improvement in their depression symptoms. The researchers theorized that the social aspects of Tai Chi, which is done in group settings, may have also played a role in its effectiveness.

That's interesting and helpful. The social aspects may or may not contribute to the overall health, as I talked about in the post on Bonding. It's always interesting to see how these various actions, traits, attributes and choices all serve to reinforce each other... being in community, bonding, accountability, empathy, service, etc.


We all know that having a community creates some accountability. I know yoga students, and have been there myself, where we know that on one particular day what draws us to get out of bed and on the mat is the community and our accountability to it - whether that means we show because they show, or that we know they'll tease us about why we didn't, or that there is a simple unspoken recognition of "if they are, I will." Accountability works and community creates accountability. On top of that, it also reinforces feelings of good will.

I'll be completely honest with you, and you may find this amusing or even concerning, coming from a "Yoga Teacher"... there are many times that I need that accountability and approach my practice with lethargy, or dread, or apathy. And, time after time, I experience those heavy feelings just dropping off of me, as I just get present, connect to the intentional yet casual community and link movement, breath, and attention. I'm talking usually before the third Surya Namaskar. It's really that quick, that effective, and I've never regretted getting into my movement and my breath, and working to create a yoga through asana and pranayama.

Move, breathe, take a walk, swing your arms, stand like Wonder Woman, run like you're wearing a cape, take the stairs, park farther away.


Give thanks and praise, tune in tomorrow for Step 8 - Sit!

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    Chrispy - Bhagat Singh

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