Thanks for being patient with me... here I am to wrap up the 12 Steps to Happiness.
First, I got a little derailed by very unhappy events; then, you know, I hedged my bets - if the world was gonna end, did you need the last step? However, here we are; no drama, no great cataclysmic traumas, and full on into the holidays.
Hope you had a great Solstice, and partied for the 'last-first' day, our new Baktun! Let's just say, we love a threshold. Most folks don't just make resolutions out of the blue. We like significant dates, big events, large meaning behind the 'shift', so that we can align. New Year's resolutions, waiting for some arbitrary, yet significant date, to decide to do something.
Perhaps that is fitting - doesn't have to be total destruction to make changes... maybe it's just enough to have the shift occur. Let's hope we can move forward from a lot of the shite that has been 'business as usual' for so long. To bad it takes tragedy to make outrage to encourage change, but that is where we are.
Back to happiness: a birthright, a condition, an exercise and a life-saver. I know this past week it's been a difficult choice to make, to focus on that which is good, beneficial, worthy; but just as at any other time, it's right there for that asking.
Our minds seek reasons, so we assign blame - we make others into "THE OTHER" and then cause more separation as we all try to convince each other of our 'small truths'. I'm not immune or innocent; which brings me back to this post. The mind is divisive, but the heart knows better. Yes it does.
When we find that sweetness, when we can take ourselves out of the spinning monkey mind, and just still ourselves, let the emotions be processed, release the anger and sorrow, quiet the errant thoughts and really get into our feelings, the heart knows better.
Thus, there's only one thing to do:
First, I got a little derailed by very unhappy events; then, you know, I hedged my bets - if the world was gonna end, did you need the last step? However, here we are; no drama, no great cataclysmic traumas, and full on into the holidays.
Hope you had a great Solstice, and partied for the 'last-first' day, our new Baktun! Let's just say, we love a threshold. Most folks don't just make resolutions out of the blue. We like significant dates, big events, large meaning behind the 'shift', so that we can align. New Year's resolutions, waiting for some arbitrary, yet significant date, to decide to do something.
Perhaps that is fitting - doesn't have to be total destruction to make changes... maybe it's just enough to have the shift occur. Let's hope we can move forward from a lot of the shite that has been 'business as usual' for so long. To bad it takes tragedy to make outrage to encourage change, but that is where we are.
Back to happiness: a birthright, a condition, an exercise and a life-saver. I know this past week it's been a difficult choice to make, to focus on that which is good, beneficial, worthy; but just as at any other time, it's right there for that asking.
Our minds seek reasons, so we assign blame - we make others into "THE OTHER" and then cause more separation as we all try to convince each other of our 'small truths'. I'm not immune or innocent; which brings me back to this post. The mind is divisive, but the heart knows better. Yes it does.
When we find that sweetness, when we can take ourselves out of the spinning monkey mind, and just still ourselves, let the emotions be processed, release the anger and sorrow, quiet the errant thoughts and really get into our feelings, the heart knows better.
Thus, there's only one thing to do:
Make it last forever
Make it last forever
Yes, it's been a long time coming
There's a name for this one
There's a name for that
Call me by my true name
I'll call you back
But I've no intention of seeking you out
And the mind's divisive
But the heart knows better
Better...
Did you know that the heart sends more electrical impulses to the brain than the brain does to the heart? By a factor of nine times, so it's pretty clear we are wired to 'know better.' What gets in the way - our thoughts, our opinions, our prejudices, our non-negotiables, our need to be heard, to be right, and of course, our need for indignation.
Happiness, it's a choice. It's made with the heart, and it's defeated in the head. The heart is the seat of our relationship with others, how we emote who we truly are and how we connect. The head is for logic, the heart for emotion. Emotions of all sorts, which is why we need to have a real relationship with ourselves - either a mindfulness practice of some sort, or another ability to observe our own thoughts, to still the mind and to discern where we get in our own way.
This past month, I've experienced a powerful teaching. I 'fell out of' relationship with a friend and mentor I cared about, who I respected and who I wanted to grow closer with. In the absence of good communication, I started to 'fill in the blanks' and what a story I created! I mean, it was insane in my head, but it all made the sense I needed it to, and I could make her all wrong and me the victim.
I had the chance to communicate about it, and what should've been my sorrow and my hurt from my heart became an very heady endeavor to convince her how wrong she was, how horrible she had treated me, how wronged I'd been. Great fantasy I had created, but in my mind I was so right.
Luckily, she's no chump, so she shot straight back. Well, we're human; it got into parsing each others words and actions, lots of recriminations and then all of the sudden I realized that I was creating more and more separation, when the original goal was to reconnect! Crazy, but it's not that unusual. But, I find less and less interest in creating separation and more and more interest in finding connection - that's the work.
Rage, that's when anger isn't processed; luckily we didn't rage! Anger, it's what occurs when sorrow isn't processed - often times it's easier to lash out than to go inward and do the work, to really examine the emotions and get to the root cause. I wasn't fooling me, I knew better. I know hurt, just like many of us, don't enjoy it and can replace it really easily. Doesn't make it go away - doesn't make me want to have 'it last forever' in that state.
Thankfully, neither one of us is a quitter, so I took it all in, took some clarifying time and re-wrote everything from "here's what I assumed, here's what I felt, here's what hurt me, here's where I feel the sorrow." And, the response I got was all about "I can totally see that, of course, that makes sense. Here's what happened and while I should've done this and you should've done this, it only matters that we care, we want to be in relationship and we both knew better."
Yes, the mind's divisive, but the heart knows better. Can you recognize when it's all a mind trip? Can you dip into your feelings and examine them, and let go of the need to be right? Can you check the hurt and sorrow before it's anger, or the anger at least before it becomes rage? Seems like that might be the message of the time.
Maybe it's not that profound; it actually feels startlingly simple. In concept perhaps, but the work is arduous.
While all of the lyrics aren't on point, and some of them fairly obtuse, I've been informed by the song I'm quoting here for almost a decade, and the artist who recorded it for over three decades. Enjoy a clip of it at the end of the post - haunting, beautiful, informative.
Are you absent from the place you ought to be? Do you experience the devastating beauty? Can you make it last forever?
Happiness, it's a choice. It's made with the heart, and it's defeated in the head. The heart is the seat of our relationship with others, how we emote who we truly are and how we connect. The head is for logic, the heart for emotion. Emotions of all sorts, which is why we need to have a real relationship with ourselves - either a mindfulness practice of some sort, or another ability to observe our own thoughts, to still the mind and to discern where we get in our own way.
This past month, I've experienced a powerful teaching. I 'fell out of' relationship with a friend and mentor I cared about, who I respected and who I wanted to grow closer with. In the absence of good communication, I started to 'fill in the blanks' and what a story I created! I mean, it was insane in my head, but it all made the sense I needed it to, and I could make her all wrong and me the victim.
I had the chance to communicate about it, and what should've been my sorrow and my hurt from my heart became an very heady endeavor to convince her how wrong she was, how horrible she had treated me, how wronged I'd been. Great fantasy I had created, but in my mind I was so right.
Luckily, she's no chump, so she shot straight back. Well, we're human; it got into parsing each others words and actions, lots of recriminations and then all of the sudden I realized that I was creating more and more separation, when the original goal was to reconnect! Crazy, but it's not that unusual. But, I find less and less interest in creating separation and more and more interest in finding connection - that's the work.
Rage, that's when anger isn't processed; luckily we didn't rage! Anger, it's what occurs when sorrow isn't processed - often times it's easier to lash out than to go inward and do the work, to really examine the emotions and get to the root cause. I wasn't fooling me, I knew better. I know hurt, just like many of us, don't enjoy it and can replace it really easily. Doesn't make it go away - doesn't make me want to have 'it last forever' in that state.
Thankfully, neither one of us is a quitter, so I took it all in, took some clarifying time and re-wrote everything from "here's what I assumed, here's what I felt, here's what hurt me, here's where I feel the sorrow." And, the response I got was all about "I can totally see that, of course, that makes sense. Here's what happened and while I should've done this and you should've done this, it only matters that we care, we want to be in relationship and we both knew better."
Yes, the mind's divisive, but the heart knows better. Can you recognize when it's all a mind trip? Can you dip into your feelings and examine them, and let go of the need to be right? Can you check the hurt and sorrow before it's anger, or the anger at least before it becomes rage? Seems like that might be the message of the time.
Maybe it's not that profound; it actually feels startlingly simple. In concept perhaps, but the work is arduous.
While all of the lyrics aren't on point, and some of them fairly obtuse, I've been informed by the song I'm quoting here for almost a decade, and the artist who recorded it for over three decades. Enjoy a clip of it at the end of the post - haunting, beautiful, informative.
Are you absent from the place you ought to be? Do you experience the devastating beauty? Can you make it last forever?
And the mind's divisive
But the heart knows better
Better...
When she whispered in my ear
What did she say?
She put her hand hard on my chest
What did she say?
Oh, but nothing really matters in the end
And if everything still matters what then?
And the air is humid and my face is wet
And the driver's much too drunk too see
But she's sitting in my place
Devastating beauty in my place
And I'm absent from the place I ought to be
And the mind's divisive
But the heart knows better
Better...
David Sylvian - The Heart Knows Better.
That's what I've got - hope you found something to take away. I'm off tomorrow for the Holidays in Holland. I'll be posting from there about whatever comes up, what I'm seeing and doing! You might enjoy it, I've got an afro wig I'm planning on busting out, and Amsterdam never fails to provide photo ops!
Thanks for checking out my Steps to Happiness. I'd say these steps aren't like a ladder or a staircase, but more like moving stepping stones in the large pond of our lives - there's no one right path, there's no map, there's no assurance that anything matters in the end, and if not, what then?
Sometimes the driver's much to drunk to see - sometimes we make it last forever. But, guaranteed, that mind is divisive and the heart does truly know better.
Which one will you listen to? Which will inform, create and sustain happiness? Check it - work it - feel it. Then, make that devastating beauty last forever, make it last forever...
Give thanks and praise - tot ziens!!
Thanks for checking out my Steps to Happiness. I'd say these steps aren't like a ladder or a staircase, but more like moving stepping stones in the large pond of our lives - there's no one right path, there's no map, there's no assurance that anything matters in the end, and if not, what then?
Sometimes the driver's much to drunk to see - sometimes we make it last forever. But, guaranteed, that mind is divisive and the heart does truly know better.
Which one will you listen to? Which will inform, create and sustain happiness? Check it - work it - feel it. Then, make that devastating beauty last forever, make it last forever...
Give thanks and praise - tot ziens!!
