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Banquets for strangers, scraps for the beloved… maybe some crumbs for you?

22/3/2012

1 Comment

 
Teaching asana practice is great; I mean, knowing that you are in a place to hold space, to create opportunity for personal investigation and to witness transformation, both physical and subtle, well that is a gift.

There are times when it really feels so rewarding, or at least, the perfect place to be. I know for myself, and for many other teachers I’ve spoken with, there are times when we go into the space and our own physical ailments recede. The space can be that powerful; to erase a migraine, quell nausea, clear the head, or stop the cramps (OK, haven’t experienced that one personally, but I’ve been told).


There are also times when it can be a struggle – when we aren’t taking care of ourselves, when we aren’t doing our practice, when we lose sight of or move away from intention, when it becomes a routine. Then, honestly, it can be very draining. So, it’s our role as yogis to be doing our practice, and as teachers, to be doing our practice, and not confusing teaching with practicing.

It’s a giving space; we come to serve – when you get to know yoga teachers, they are caring, loving, sharing, and into helping others. That’s the calling; not the paycheck, not the accolades, maybe the great benefit of going to work in your pajamas, but ultimately, because we care and want to help facilitate change and growth. We want to see folks flourish.


Now, the rub – we’re givers, servers, doers. We spend much of our day tending to and caring for others, sometimes complete strangers. All the great teachers I know ‘teach’ after the class is over, or before it even begins. We get single-focused, and end up talking to each other about it. Like great chefs, we create banquets and delicacies and nourishment all day – and we serve them. And, like foodies, it’s much of what we talk about all day.

Then, at the end of our day, fulfilled by contact and service and our experience and the fantastic ‘food’ we’ve made and served, many of us---this yogi first and foremost---find ourselves at home with our beloved or beloveds, and we simply cast them some scraps. No care, no service, basic nutrition perhaps, but not caringly presented, because we’ve already done that. Really, I’ll admit to my own horror, a lot of time I just go home and want to be left alone; but by the person I most love and want to be with?? Yogi, check yourself, because that is out of alignment.


Someone used this metaphor a month ago, and I owned it and have been observing the me that does this. He’s not who I’d like to be, and he’s not who I’d like to be with my best friend and partner. Lucky I got this thing called yoga that makes you think about these things, so I’m consciously working on being present in that relationship… my real yoga, my real union. It’s work, to be sure.


While you ponder that, now recognize, banquets all day for strangers and acquaintances, scraps for the beloved… at best, that leaves crumbs for you, for me, for the ‘cook’, for the giver. That is not acceptable, to be in a space where we martyr our lives and our relationships in some idealized version of service. Simply not sustainable, and verging on hypocrisy!


Get what I’m saying? Any of it taste like your experience? Willing to share your insights, your resolutions, your own methods or discipline of self-care? It’s time for those of us who hold space to allow some to be held for us?

Do you do that? Can you let go of giving and receive? Talk about it, start ‘portioning’ the food and sharing equally, and give thanks and praise.

1 Comment
Liz link
22/3/2012 12:55:35 am

I find that right after teaching, I'm starving! Both literally and metaphorically.. I need nutrition to feed my body and i'm full with love and joy that needs to be shared before I burst within myself. My partner like you expressed, comes home with the desire to decompress alone (which can be very hard when my cup is full and i just need to share). The balance I find is to share my love with my pets, with close friends, but saving some to share with him. Getting to place where when he walks in the door, I don't just flood him with energy (quick talking, huge twirling embraces etc), but express my gratitude of him coming home to me, be patient and understanding of that time for decompression.. then let the twirling begin, let the laughter of sharing our days come, or if we are both exhausted, let the couch be a snuggle place where words don't need to be said, but energies co-mingle over bad movies.

Portioning is as much about having enough as it is not being overwhelming to those we choose to be with, to keep longevity in our relationships.. One thing I learned while doing massage was to ground down, which I came to think of as a separation or a flushing of "junk". I use how I used to end my massages at the end of my class (in my heart i say this, not aloud... ), "to each their own and if you you are done with what was yours, let it go back to the earth to be purified." So often, we can take on the junk that others purge, it's swirling around the room as we guide, lead, and set space for those to "let go", so it is important that we don't swallow it. For me personally, this makes a huge difference in how I feel after class, there is more of me and less drain. These are just my experiences, how I view it, and what works for me..
Huge hugs and loves,
~liz

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