Maybe I'm crazy, I do know that in my adult life I've had a crazy relationship with sleep - but I wake up, just like everyone else, maybe; but I don't ever recall feeling dread.
Honestly, I've been checking it. And don't take this as morbid or fatalistic, but as someone who doesn't romp in the fields of dreams (or if I do, I've mercifully saved my conscious mind from the drama) that each night when I go to sleep, it's to total nothingness and each day when I wake it is from this same nothingness. Nothingness. No consciousness that I am aware of as the 'be-er.' Much akin to death, one would suppose. And, probably why we think dying in one's sleep is so preferred; we're already so disconnected that perhaps there is no great disturbance, just transition.
But, not dead yet, so to waking. I wake up, usually early, and I've been really working to notice the initial feeling - dread, overwhelmed, drama, conflict? Doesn't feel like it. Don't get me wrong, I've got my worries and I've got my anxieties and I feel those pressures just like anyone else.
However, when I wake up, I'm usually feeling a little more than relieved.... like 'great, another chance!' - really, even at the worst times, I get another chance to dive into the experience, good or bad, and take from it what I can and what I need! Even on the days I haven't wanted to get out of bed, I've wanted to be alive! That's the focus.
And, I'm a believer in creating what you are seeking, rather than waiting for your hopes to come true. So, I've created a simple little litany, that can be used at anytime, but I've adopted as the first real conscious thoughts I share with my self (selves?) each morning, immediately upon waking.
"Thank you - I love you - I'm sorry - I forgive you." That simple, yet it handles it all and serves me as well as those I serve and interact with.
Begin with Gratitude: "Thank you" - don't worry about who or what the you is; thank the universe or your deity for one more day of life, thank your heart for beating, the sun for rising, your love for loving you, your dog for needing you. Be grateful and say it.
Establish yourself in Love: "I love you"- great words and intentions, but again, no focus on who is 'you', just move that energy. Love yourself, your lover, your world, your challenges, your gifts, your opportunities, your 'nemesis', and your conflicts and trials. Express love and feel the gratitude that you can be in that state, that you have that choice and make it.
Be Humbled: "I'm sorry"- we've all failed someone, most of us feel that we fail ourselves constantly. Don't apologize for the sake of if, to fill space or for expectations; rather, be sorry for those transgressions you know you've made, as well as those you may not even be aware of. Rather than waiting for it to be needed, offer it freely. And feel it; not debilitating sorrow, just know that we all do wrong and we all can atone.
Be Released: "I forgive you" - I'm sorry is what you say, I forgive you is what you feel. Give forgiveness, again, to yourself for everything you think you have done that you aren't proud of, weren't in your truth or in integrity, for those you know who have intentionally and unintentionally wronged you. Holding onto that anger is poison taken by you, and only you - release and forgive. You don't even have to do it demonstrably, and you don't have to forget, you simply need to release that drama and let is rest.
Right now, that's my mantra, and that's my intention - I have the belief that if I can keep the discipline of starting my conscious day with those words that I can change my relationship with self, and ultimately with every other self that I encounter.
For this, and the ability to share and care, I give thanks and praise!