Just wanted to share some thoughts, do some firm but gentle confronting, ask some questions and offer a perspective.
And, since this always seems so surprising when I do dialog about these blogs with individuals - yes, this is me, "working it out." I share it with you, but when I'm writing these and pointing out the vagaries of our minds, the natural reluctances, the 'games' - well, I'm speaking to 'all of us' through me.
Let's make that clear - being a yogi, or a teacher, or 'experienced' at something doesn't bestow enlightenment. It does bear discernment, and it indicates a desire to engage with and to really get into refining your life. But I don't have the answers. I'm on the same path, just at another pace or around some bend...
That gets me to the point of this - and it starts out right here in this tone. Admit, own, clarify, examine. We each find ourselves in separation at times; distanced from individuals or others by our own emotional experience. At these points, it's not uncommon to completely internalize our 'dialog'...
Here are my questions, and I'm hearing them in my head - almost in Morgan Freeman's voice!
- Who have you been 'talking' with in your head?
- How's that 'conversation' going?
- Are you getting truthful answers and helpful information?
- What motives or assumptions are you holding or ascribing to them?
- What's the risk of finding out the truth - of owning the fact that the dialog in your head is a fiction One that doesn't allow the other person the option of being truthful or themselves?
- Who are you not talking to? Why?
- What's the risk of finding them in person today, or within the next 15 minutes picking up the phone and calling them?
- What if you started from a place of "I'm hoping to hear you, and understand this situation. I feel like I've carried some of my own reactivity into this situation and I'd like to clarify what your intentions or thoughts on it are." and then listened?
- Why is it easier for us to continue a totally fabricated drama in our head - taking us out of reality and out of the present and right back into the past - then it is to simply check in and talk with folks?
- What hasn't been said that you should have said?
- What have you said that should be acknowledged, or owned, or apologized for?
- How would you want to be cared for by 'others' if they were projecting on you, if they were holding separation rather than engaging with you?
- How would you want to hear the information?
- How can you create space for greater clarity, for forgiveness or for thanks?
I don't have answers for you; but I'm working on answers for me. I'll share, as appropriate, if I'm finding successes and when I'm not holding myself to the account of showing respect by talking with folks, instead of about them.
In closing, I've offered this before, and I shared it last night in class, and it really begins to resonate. Don't know what to say?? Start with the Hawaiian Hoʻoponopono - it contains succinctly and eloquently every way to 'start a conversation'.
Thank you - I love you - I'm sorry - Please forgive me....
Start with it, make it your mantra, make it your daily mediation, make it your reality. Say those things that scare you most, until they don't... until you are not simply saying them, but living them.
Tough work, you're up to it, we are all... give thank and praise.